Can’t Smile Without You

Yes, I have been listening to a lot of Barry Manilow lately (hence the title of this blog). He is a musical master and I love him.

Anyways, all things are good with Nick now that he is back. I was worried that when he came back he wouldn’t like me anymore and that since he had been gone for so long (shut up) that we would have to start all over again (sort of). But it was lovely and we both missed each other lots and lots. He is the only thing that is really going right in my life at the moment and I would like to keep it that way.

I believe it is urgent that I find a job because I need to start saving. I mean, if something happened to me I would have nothing to fall back on. And that is kind of scary.

Anyway, Russell Brand is on and I need to swoon. Goodnight.

Let’s face it

I am mental. Its true.
Sometimes I just wish I had a normal brain that didn’t have to analyse the most minor of details. And when I blurt out all my crazy talk, it only leaves me standing here looking silly.

I know I’m just over reacting and being silly, but I’m just an insecure mess. I guess all will be answered tomorrow!

Oh and to make myself feel a little better, I bought a pleather jacket. 100% polyester. I don’t even know if I like it, but I felt like being reckless and buying something stupid and expensive.

Frustration

I can’t decipher you males. Especially over email. Why don’t you miss me?

I don’t know whats going to happen.

Cabin Fever

I haven’t left the house since Saturday except for going to work once and the gym once. I’m pretty sure I also have Saturday off and I don’t even want to go out on Friday night. I don’t even really feel like seeing anyone. Its really weird. I used to go mental if I just sat at home for one day… Now that’s all I do.

And it doesn’t really upset me. I’m just kind of used to it. The reclusive life isn’t so bad.

Ugh

Today has been so shiteous and awful.
First off, all my gym pants have miraculously disappeared. Meaning I couldn’t go to the gym today because I would have had to have worn a dress or jeans.  This was a minor complication which was substituted by taking the dogs for a walk. After arriving home, my sister and I got in a very frustrating argument about her wearing/buying/already owning a mink coat, and despite the latter events of the day she is still not talking to me at this moment. Now for the bigger things that started to make my life worse. We finally got the car back after months of arguing and issues with the car itself. Oh, and guess what. While I’m driving it down Victoria Rd, it breaks down. I spent about 2 hours waiting with my Dad for the NRMA and a tow truck. Because of this hiccup, it caused me to miss my later plans (which I was really excited about) -seeing 17 Again. So after I walked home from the mechanic, I was feeling really shitty. I thought, how about I just chill out on the interwebs and watch me some Ready Steady Cook.  I unplug my laptop from the power and bring it with me to the couch. What a surprise… It won’t turn on. I napped for 2 hours and then tried again. Still nothing. I have to use the family computer.

Now, I’m not sure if it is possible for things to get any worse (Note: after reading that sentence, I realised how dramatic and stupid it sounded, but I’m leaving it in there for effect). I mean, really ..is life that fucking cruel and horrible? I’m going to go with yes. Because I consider my current life already punishment enough and didn’t think it was possible for it to get any more debilitating. Well it has. You’ve won, sick fucked up world. I wish there was some way it was possible to declare emotional bankruptcy. Think about it, life has swiped me clean and I no longer have anything valuable or fruitful left to offer. Its at the point where the debt collectors start taking things away.  I don’t know what to do anymore, I just completely give up.

I have the worst luck ever. I’m beginning to think that my only possible chance of turning this around will be like that film that came out a few years ago, with Lindsay Lohan. You know, how she is really lucky and kisses that unlucky guy and their luck swaps. You know you’ve succumb to desperate measures if you think your only option is to make out with LOLhan. And I shall leave you with that image fresh in your mind.

xx

Be my wife?

I love him.

I need this memory to keep me strong.

So I’m reforming back to my loser-desperado ways and days.  It’s so depressing hearing about everyone’s plans -going overseas, interstate, getting new jobs etc. I feel like I have the importance and redundancy of a shoe-horn. Sure, you can use one. But no one ever does, cares or thinks about them. Okay, I’m being way over dramatic. But you get my point.

I’ve always been pretty good with denial -because let’s face it, its so much easier than dealing with reality. One thing I have never been good with is acceptance. Accepting change, people and the way things are. The problem is, you can only live in denial for so long because reality is just so prevalent you can’t escape it and you have to start accepting things. I’m in that stage right now. Where I can’t accept what a loser fuckwit I am, but its just so much apart of me I can’t deny it anymore. And the one person who I can bitch at about these problems isn’t here and won’t be for another 9 days. Ugh. And after my incessant whining he will have probably come to realise on his trip away how annoying I really am and will fall in the arms of a  bronzed Peruvian goddess. All the best 😦

On a more positive note, my sister has returned from San Francisco and brought me some lovely items from Gap and American Apparel. I may be a loser, but at least I will dress okay. She is going to keep me company for the rest of my days, because while she is in Australia she too is a jobless loser. Awwwhhh genetics 🙂 Haha.

Have a splendid weekend. xx

I don’t see so well but innervision guides me.

So yesterday I did a little shopping and bought the following items.

I wanted to buy something new to read and everything at Borders is just so ridiculously over priced. However, I found the Penguin books section. Multiple classics are available at your fingertips for only $9.99! So i ended up purchasing the novel ‘High Fidelity’ as I have seen the film and had heard that the book is much better. And I love John Cusack.

I also found this top for $15. I thought the detail of the print was really interesting.

This hoodie was fleecy and warm, so i picked it up too.

I need really vigorous and deep cleansing scrubs for my skin. I found this one and it smells so good and is reaaaally effective!

I then came home and had dinner with my family and a nap before I went to see old friend Buzio. It was nice to catch up and find someone who is also as poor as me. I love her and I think she is wonderful despite of things that might happen to her, she remains so positive and loving.

Nick comes back in 12 days or so! Can’t wait.

There are things we can’t recall, blind as night that finds us all.

So I’ve lasted basically a week all on my own. Well, we did have some email correspondence but that has ended as he has officially started his hike.

I actually had a pretty busy week considering. On Monday I took some photos for Lisa’s assignment of a group called How Much (add them) and then on Tuesday I went to the doctor and had my first cervical cancer injection thing. Now, I’m not really good with needles and this time was no different from any other experience. I got up after the injection and thought, “Wow. That wasn’t too bad!” However after walking around for 2 minutes I became delirious and fainted and ended up lying down on one of those bed things. Lisa took a photo to document the memory (see above). That night I went to Ellen’s house for fish pie (which was amazing). Wednesday -worked. Thursday -worked. On Thursday we also watched our friends play in their Basketball grand final (they lost) and then we went to Cafe Insomnia for some refreshments. Friday I pretty much slept the entire day. Saturday, worked. Then went to Sam’s party at night, came home, had a shower and then slept. Today was also a pretty nothing day.

Tomorrow Steph is having a BBQ! That is going to be lots and lots of fun. I like doing small cute things and just catching up with people.

As for the whole job situation, I think Life is trying to tell me that I’m not supposed to be going into the full time employment thing. So I’m thinking of going to TAFE next semester and studying Music Industry (Technical Production) at North Sydney. I already know Audio basics and I really want to be able assist with the creation and production of music. I think I can do it!

I’ve also decided that rather spend my K-Rudd money (should I receive it) on travelling, but on a car.. so that I can finally get my fucking P’s!! Haha.

I’m actually feeling a lot better about life at the moment then I thought I would. And that’s pretty great.

Happy Easter xx

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Who the fuck is Julie Vierboom? And more importantly, why does she care whats in my blog?

Show yourself, woman!

What is with these Facebook shenanigans?